Karen (not her real) came to me as a referral from her CEO. She is a bright passionate twenty-eight year old with superb technical skills that contribute to the innovative future for her company.
After the sudden death of her immediate supervisor and no one else willing to step up from the team, the CEO appointed her as the temporary team leader.
The team had anticipated that the CEO would immediately recruit an experienced team leader, so there was an attitude of scepticism and even cynicism towards her appointment.
That became outright disrespect when Karen attempted to manage the team’s timely performance.
I sat with her and asked “What are the issues from your perspective?” Karen unloaded her frustrations exclaiming that they resent her being in the position and ignore her when she attempts to lead and assist them.
I asked her to give me a typical example of such an incident.
“Well” she said “John (not his real name) was three days behind a deadline that he’d set himself. This wasn’t the first time it had happened. When I told him that he’d fallen behind again, he just glared at me, turned away and carried on as though I hadn’t said anything, as though I didn’t even exist.”
“How old is John?” I asked. “I’m not sure, probably in his late forties.” she said.
“What about the rest of the team?” I asked. “I’m the youngest by about ten years.” replied Karen.
“Karen, do you usually ask or usually tell when you are working with your team?” I asked.
Karen pondered for a moment. “I probably tell more these days. We are under pressure to get things completed.”
“Have you considered that there is power in asking and force in telling?” I asked.
I saw the light come on in Karen’s eyes.
I gave her my workbook on the subject. We followed up with a few coaching sessions, practicing the power of asking a sequence of open ended respectful questions that offended no-one and helped people feel and be empowered to take appropriate timely action.
Three months later, Karen was appointed formally into the role with the full support of her team.
What’s been your experience in asking or telling?
