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Leader, Improve Your Story About Yourself

February 15, 2018

Blog Topic

Many people who become leaders do so with self-doubt.

I know, because I did too.

What we think about ourselves becomes a story, one we tell ourselves.

In my case, as a 20-year-old newly commissioned officer in the army, I had concerns about many things:

  • Would I make a mistake?
  • What if they think I’m too young?
  • What if they don’t do as I ask?
  • Can I lead these people, who are all older and more experienced?
  • What if they get injured, wounded or die, on my watch?

These thoughts became a scary story that I often dreamt about.

So, I created a story for myself, to counteract my doubting story.

This story went along these lines:

  • I’m trained and commissioned; therefore, I’m entitled (to be right).
  • I need to assert myself to prove I am able (I became domineering).
  • I do not make mistakes – therefore I’m OK – therefore I’m right (in that order).
  • I will protect myself from ‘them’ (protecting myself from my first flawed story).

Rapidly I learned the truth:

  • I am inexperienced, possessing mainly theory.
  • I can learn from all those around me, regardless of their rank.
  • I will make mistakes, some of them dreadful.
  • It’s not about me, it’s about them – those whom I lead and am honour-bound to care for.
  • I cannot succeed as a leader without earning their commitment, and it will not just be given.
  • I must earn trust, which precedes respect, or else I’ll never be shown what I need to succeed.
  • I earn trust by consistently being humbly courageous, caring and as competent as I am able.
  • To succeed, I cannot rely on authority, because they will not tolerate inept authority.
  • My team is full of awesome people who want me to succeed.

Eventually, I learned to change my story:

  • My early self-doubts were warranted.
  • My protective story was a strategy that didn’t work.
  • My better strategy was to recognise my fear of inexperience and have the courage to ask for help, whilst taking accountability for whatever happened as a result.
  • I cannot succeed without help from my people, and I must earn their trust and respect.

My current story is this:

  • I am forever learning.
  • I have a track record of success, by learning from and correcting my mistakes.
  • My intentions are honourable, and I will learn from whatever happens.
  • I model my core values, despite my fears, habits and ignorance.
  • What matters most is not what I am perceived to be, but that I stay in honour with our values, and achieve the goal, with people whose trust and respect I earn.
  • I am respectful whether I’m correcting, coaching or commanding.
  • I have high curiosity and adaptability.

What’s your story?

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