Many people who become leaders do so with self-doubt.
I know, because I did too.
What we think about ourselves becomes a story, one we tell ourselves.
In my case, as a 20-year-old newly commissioned officer in the army, I had concerns about many things:
- Would I make a mistake?
- What if they think I’m too young?
- What if they don’t do as I ask?
- Can I lead these people, who are all older and more experienced?
- What if they get injured, wounded or die, on my watch?
These thoughts became a scary story that I often dreamt about.
So, I created a story for myself, to counteract my doubting story.
This story went along these lines:
- I’m trained and commissioned; therefore, I’m entitled (to be right).
- I need to assert myself to prove I am able (I became domineering).
- I do not make mistakes – therefore I’m OK – therefore I’m right (in that order).
- I will protect myself from ‘them’ (protecting myself from my first flawed story).
Rapidly I learned the truth:
- I am inexperienced, possessing mainly theory.
- I can learn from all those around me, regardless of their rank.
- I will make mistakes, some of them dreadful.
- It’s not about me, it’s about them – those whom I lead and am honour-bound to care for.
- I cannot succeed as a leader without earning their commitment, and it will not just be given.
- I must earn trust, which precedes respect, or else I’ll never be shown what I need to succeed.
- I earn trust by consistently being humbly courageous, caring and as competent as I am able.
- To succeed, I cannot rely on authority, because they will not tolerate inept authority.
- My team is full of awesome people who want me to succeed.
Eventually, I learned to change my story:
- My early self-doubts were warranted.
- My protective story was a strategy that didn’t work.
- My better strategy was to recognise my fear of inexperience and have the courage to ask for help, whilst taking accountability for whatever happened as a result.
- I cannot succeed without help from my people, and I must earn their trust and respect.
My current story is this:
- I am forever learning.
- I have a track record of success, by learning from and correcting my mistakes.
- My intentions are honourable, and I will learn from whatever happens.
- I model my core values, despite my fears, habits and ignorance.
- What matters most is not what I am perceived to be, but that I stay in honour with our values, and achieve the goal, with people whose trust and respect I earn.
- I am respectful whether I’m correcting, coaching or commanding.
- I have high curiosity and adaptability.
What’s your story?