I’ve been banging on about difficult conversations for a while now, leading to my workshop on 24th October.
Whilst that workshop is about how to conduct difficult conversations with others, it’s also a framework for having the most difficult conversations ever, the ones we try to have with ourselves.
By failing to conduct those conversations effectively, we instil the habits that bind us to our thoughts, feelings and actions that we regret or need to justify.
How do I know this? Because I too fall victim to my failed conversations with myself, despite my best endeavours.
Aren’t we lucky that mind reading at large is not yet possible?
Otherwise you’d get wind of my constant need to re-adjust my automatic thoughts.
Fortunately, whilst the thought erupts habitually, I’ve trained myself to not act on it, but question it and alter the thought to something better.
Over time I’m noticing those inaccurate or assumptive habitual thoughts diminish through correction and lack of use.
It’s when we act on the habitual assumptive thought, or let it persist, that the damage occurs.
It’s our habit of mentally making statements, usually judgements about self and others, instead of asking questions.
Those statements and judgements are mainly assumptions, aren’t they?
You know: “Damn it I/he/she just stuffed up again!”; “Idiot” (to self); “You f’ing fool!” either to self or others, silently.
Every time we make those statements of judgement, we are deepening the faulty belief hidden behind.
The secret of conducting difficult conversations, either with yourself or others is to lead with questions of discovery and intention to help.
We must break the habit of rushing to judgement, making statements that just deepens the root cause.
If you recognise that this is something you’d like to address, either for yourself or your role as a leader, then come the workshop on 24th October 2018.
You can get the details here.
