The Conflict
Phil asked Sheryl for a hand completing a proposal for their client.
Sheryl responded quite firmly: “No, Phil, you’re always asking for help at the last minute and I’ve my own deadlines to meet. You should have started the proposal earlier!”
Phil: ”That’s not fair, you know what I’ve got on my plate.”
Sheryl, quite frustrated “You’re always complaining about your workload and I know you’ve got no more than the rest of us. Frankly, I’m sick of the way you work, I wish you were on another team!””
Phil, angrily: “Oh so when you asked for help the other day, that was different was it? That’s very hypocritical Sheryl!”.
Sheryl, burning with cold anger now: “How dare you call me a hypocrite!”
Mary, a team member a few desks away chimed in: “Come you guys, cut it out. We’re behind time on all our stuff. Let’s just get on with it, OK?”
Sheryl spun around and shouted at Mary: “This has nothing to do with you. He just called me a hypocrite.” Sheryl stormed out of the office.
Phil shook his head and slumped back in his seat. He was truly sick of Sheryl’s manner. This wasn’t the first time she had flown off the handle.
Everyone could feel the tension in the office.
Gary, the team leader could see that something was happening, but couldn’t hear it from his glass walled office.
Calling Mary into his office, Gary asked her what had happened.
Mary: “Phil and Sheryl have just had one of their regular clashes. It’s disruptive. We all feel tense. It slows us down. We’re already behind the eight ball. This just makes it worse.”
Gary, nodding: “OK Mary. Thanks. I’ll take it from here.”
The Leader’s Approach
Gary thought about his approach.
Firstly, he’d talk to Phil and Sheryl separately, to get their points of view.
Whilst he could see the main problem was their different behavioural traits, he’d double check and get their current thoughts and feelings.
He’d also demonstrate he was being proactive and treating them fairly.
Then he’d get them together to deepen their understanding of each other and make an agreement they can stick to.
His worst-case scenario, if this didn’t work, would be to send one of them to another team.
He didn’t want to do that, because he valued them both.
The Leader and the Protagonists
Gary got to Phil first.
“So, what happened Phil?” Gary asked.
Phil: “Sheryl spat the dummy again with me. I’m over it. She’s a bloody hypocrite, never wrong and can never see the big picture. It’s alright for her to ask me for help, but not the other way around!”
Gary: “OK, what do you see being the main differences between the way you are, and the way Sheryl is?”
Phil: “Well I’m great at the big picture and working faster, but when I get a lump of work that requires me to focus on detail, I need help because I struggle with the detail. I’m much better at working with the big objectives.
Sheryl’s really good with detail. She can get through it easier than me. But she can’t stand me interrupting her, even though she does it too. She’s hates being accused of anything, even if it’s true. I’m sick of her being defensive and spitting the dummy every time.”
Gary: “What do you think Sheryl will say when I ask her the same questions?”
Phil: “Probably that I’m a hard-nosed, task driven dominant person who has a short attention span when it come to detail. And I’m prone to calling it out as I see it. I know we clash and I know it’s because we are very different. I’m an extrovert and she’s a sensitive introvert.”
Gary: “That’s good that you get all that Phil. Because unless you two can come to an agreement about how you work together, I’m going to move one of you and I don’t want to do that. I value you both.
I’m going to have this same conversation with Sheryl.
You both need to understand that you have different traits and to respect those differences and work together as professionals. If you need help with that let me know, but I want you both to try yourselves first. OK?”
Phil nodded.
Gary had the same conversation with Sheryl. Sheryl pointed out that Phil couldn’t do detail without having to call for help, was loud, pushy and insensitive. Sheryl agreed that she’d bottle things then explode, that she hated being seen to be wrong and that she was almost the opposite to Phil.
The Leader’s Solution
Gary got them together after giving them each a description of their primary traits and how to communicate with those traits.
Sheryl and Phil agreed to recognise their differences and work together professionally.
The team moved forward well for six months, delivering great work.
Reality
Six months after the agreement between Sheryl and Phil, Sheryl decided to leave.
At her exit interview with Gary, Sheryl explained that she’d learned a great deal from the situation, but she couldn’t deal with her continuing frustration and resultant stress.
She needed to find a team that was less diverse and more like her.
Gary reluctantly let her go.
He explained to Sheryl that the diversity of behavioural traits is a big factor in what made the team so great.
Sheryl nodded and said “I know, but…. Well, not for me.”
Gary was disappointed, but he realised he did the right thing and the team had delivered brilliantly on a string of projects in that six months.
He’d be very careful about Sheryl’s replacement. That person would have to fit in with this team.
What would you have done?
